


interrogating the text from the wrong perspective

by Vintar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Fandom AU, Wank Report
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 23:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vintar/pseuds/Vintar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Complacency of the Learned fandom isn't big enough for both of them, and neither of them is going to be the one that flounces first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	interrogating the text from the wrong perspective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anxiousAnarchist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/gifts).



> For the prompt: _Rose runs the kink meme for [INSERT FANDOM], and Calliope runs the most popular fic archive. They’re both Big Name Fans, so what happens when they get in a flame war over shipping???_
> 
> Write what you know, they say.
> 
> I don't think they quite envisioned this particular scenario, but the point still stands.

**wzrds r srs bsns!**

(This report is for a nonnie mouse, who asked for a rundown on the recent Complacency of the Learned drama!) 

The Complacency of the Learned fandom has been at it again.

It all started when crownandtablet, big name artist and mod of the main fic archive, made a post advertising a brand-new CotL fic exchange.

Good news, right? More beardy action for the masses?

Turns out, only certain kinds of staff fondling are eligible: to hold back the deluge of fanwizards, it's limited to canon characters only. More importantly for this wank, crownandtablet defines canon characters as "any wizard from the main series". When asked to clarify if any of the eldritch horrors are included, she replies "we know that some people have, Um, very strong headcanons to say the least, bUt since the Unknowable ones are never properly depicted in the series, we ask that everyone sticks to canon!"

byanyothername, BNF, mod of the kinkmeme (check_and_mate), and very dedicated enthusiast of all things writhy and _Iä Iä Fhtagn_ y, takes objection to this. On her dreamwidth she simply posts "On one hand, it's nice to know that my reputation precedes me." 

crownandtablet replies "yoU are welcome to continUe sUbmitting all of yoUr rather UniqUe works to 2CW! ^u^" 

2crossedwands is the main fic archive for the fandom, and you may remember it from a previous (and incredibly verbose) wank when it added a warning for... you guessed it, tentacles. Reading that spat goes some way to explaining the overtone of chilliness between crownandtablet and byanyothername.

byanyothername replies: "I'm not sure that I will. If the fandom is more comfortable treading the same old ground, far be it for me to ruin everyone's fun. Perhaps I'll try my hand at an AU where everyone goes to college and works in a coffeeshop. At Hogwarts. Also, they're all vampires. In a band."

Soon after, someone on the anonmeme (secret_wizards) makes a series of disparaging remarks about crownandtablet's art style. This happens pretty often, but in the wake of the above wank several people reply "hi, byanyothername!". byanyothername posts to her DW and denies that it was her, no matter how much she may incidentally prefer "rich, detailed art, of which there is a sad lack in this fandom".

crownandtablet posts a flood of simple, brightly-coloured sketches, one of which involves the wizards eating sushi that features rather more tentacles than your average tako roll should.

Delicious indexers, reccers, and writers of ship meta catplacency and zazzerpaw step in, the former posting ":33 < stop fighting, you guys! think of the fandom!", and the latter posting a deluge of sad gifs. crownandtablet posts a reminder that "coloUrfUl flashing images are a trigger for some people! be considerate U_U". byanyothername not-so-vagueblogs "At the moment I am grateful for many things. Rediscovering the wonders of gifblock addons is one of them.".

catplacency cries ableism (or more accurately: ":33 < nice ableism jerks") for reasons you might remember from this wank (tw: discussion of injuries and speculation of possible inquadrant abuse), and everything goes to hell.

byanyothername writes a 5,000 word rundown on how illogical, distasteful, and flat-out terrible certain ships are, and big surprise, they just happen to be crownandtablet's OTPs. crownandtablet draws a multi-page comic with the not-so-subtle message that some people in the fandom may be using eldritch horror fic to compensate for things that are lacking in their personal lives. There's rumours that byanyothername pulled some strings with the mod of the fluffybeards fluff exchange to get crownandtablet as her recip, and which explains crownandtablet getting something that turns the bleakness up to 11 and ends on an utterly soul-destroying note. crownandtablet tags her hate about byanyothername's OTP. 

The anonmeme goes haywire with popcorn gifs and picking sides. Highlights include fic about crownandtablet's OC and byanyothername's OT (the T stands for... yeah, you got it), photoshopping byanyothername and crownandtablet's usericons onto gifs (my favourite is this one where they're pasted on to angry cats), and the formation of a thunderdome bet on which one will flounce first (50:50 at the last account). This continues until crownandtablet makes an incredibly hostile and poorly-written post about everyone in the fandom (including herself!), and then deletes it the next day claiming to have forgotten to log out (screencaps on s_w here). The meme has a discussion about whether it was really her or not that devolves into anticherubim slurs, and the anonmeme mod frigglush locks the whole meme down until they stop being, in her words, "wow just the rudest of rude assholes high up on the leaderboards of assholery breakin records for being buttholes". 

byanyothername posts several pictures of elaborate chocolates, with the note that "Popcorn is so passé". 

crownandtablet posts "we shoUld start some sort of charity fUnd for people who are too Up themselves for basic politeness, those poor dears. perhaps some sUpport for manners transplant research? it's jUst so sad. 

also, yoUr tUmblr theme is Ugly. :U". 

On her tumblr, catplacency posts a primer about blackrom for non-troll writers, with links to non-Alternian quadrant expression support sites. Inbetween chapter updates for a 19k Lovecraft pastiche space octopus gangbang fic, byanyothername posts about people sticking their noses into her business, then quickly deletes the post (caps here). 

With the fic exchange long since scuttled and some serious lines being drawn in the sand, cotlfish, fannish organiser and general force to be reckoned with, steps up to the plate and starts up her own big bang, pairing up artists and authors to make illustrated fic that "includes -----EV--ERYON-E!". Apparently both wanting to look like the bigger person, byanyothername and crownandtablet sign up without any further drama, and each posts about looking forward to the chance to team up with fans that are more on their wavelength. 

That is, until author/artist pairings go out. 

"bloody fantastic. oh well, i will try to stay cheery! it's so awfUl to be overwhelmed by dark thoUghts, after all. UuU", vagueblogs crownandtablet. 

"I fear I have been ensnared in some sort of cunning trap", vagueblogs byanyothername. "We can but hope that it doesn't end with me having to chew off a limb to escape." 

Whatever the opposite of a vagueblog is, cotlfish does it. "MODLY RUL--E: IF ----EV-ERYON-E DO-ESN'T PLAY NIC-E", she posts on her tumblr and tags with their usernames, "I WILL BRING THE )(URT 38)". 

The anonmeme, now unlocked and on tentative good behaviour, posts the most polite OH SHIT gifs they can muster, then goes on to other topics such as which wizard would have the nicest ass, whether non-troll fans shipping the wizards in troll quadrants are being appropriative, and discussion about CONjurer. For those who aren't in the fandom and are just reading for snippy wizard-based wank (Who could blame you?), CONjurer is the annual CotL convention with a reputation for two things: incredibly in-depth wizard discussion panels during the day, and incredibly in-depth wizard parties during the night. It is, in other words, a giant beardy pinata of inevitable wank just waiting for a fannish slapfight to crack it open and unleash a torrent of YOU'RE DOING FANDOM WRONG (click here for the wank report on last year's blowup, when firstdoginspace and cotlfish ended up actually wrestling on top of the panel table in a particularly spirited debate about whether or not tentacle monsters overlapped with anthropomorphic characters). 

With both byanyothername and crownandtablet posting about their intention to go, this year seemed no different. The fandom held its breath, with many secret_wizards promising to sit in on the panels they were speaking at and to report back about any instances of snark, passive-aggressiveness, or, as was the case last year, attempts to brain someone with a plushie Squiddle. 

Con chairperson and fandom archivist whatatangledweb makes a simple post: "No hostility will be toler8d. Don't make me peace8ond your pens, because I will!!!!!!!!" 

The first burst of wank during the con happens when frigglush drunkposts about how much The Author Herself would love the anonmeme and is promptly torn to shreds by, well, the anonmeme. 

The second happens when someone makes a comment about people cosplaying outside of their species, and the response is everything you'd expect. If you want to soothe your mind after reading that thread and all of its nastiness, here's a link to fangsandfrogs and inkeddrinker's incredible cosplay site, MaryMary. You're welcome. 

The third happens during the How To Write Effective Plots panel, starring both of our main wankers. A s_w member in the audience posts to twitter during the panel. 

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _okay wizzies, all primed for any incoming wank action. wanktion? can that be a thing?_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _CAT just gave an impassioned speech about how there's a reason that people enjoy the classics, and that lots of people find them comforting_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _BAON is speaking in favour of breaking the paradigm wide open and feasting on its entrails_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _i'm not being poetic, that's literally what she is saying_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _CAT is now saying about how people shouldn't act like darker works are more legitimate than fluffier ones_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _BAON is talking about how fans would do well to examine their own flaws and incorporate them into their work_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _(and that some fans have more unexamined flaws than others)_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _whatatangledweb is ringing the time-up bell_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _CAT has rolled up her shirtsleeves and BAON is narrowing her eyes_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _i think they have actually forgotten about the audience_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _BAON has taken out her knitting and is humming loudly to herself over CAT's impassioned speech on twist endings_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _CAT is yawning while BAON is talking about delving into the psychology of your characters. if you don't think this is spotlight-stealing then you haven't seen a cherub yawn_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _whatatangledweb is still ringing the bell btw_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _BAON just said "art is lovely and all, but when we're talking about REAL fannish effort, like writing..."_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _CAT is talking about how art is something special because it's accessible to everyone, not just to those who are in love with the sound of their own voices_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _wizzies, they are now sincerely arguing about damien hirst_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _whatatangledweb has finally given up the bell and is now telling the two of them off so hard that she's gone blue in the face_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _just a figure of speech, not blueblood shaming_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _both of them are now just glaring at each other_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _but also smiling? weird_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _woah are they literally taking this outside_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _they are literally taking this outside_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _i'm not following them out there. last year i tried to get close to the drama and in the fray someone elbowed me in the eye while screaming YIFF THIS, B---EAC)(_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _this is some a-grade wanktion_

_mysterytweeter:_  
 _@wizardsunite no shut up i am so making it a thing_

Someone else apparently sitting in on the panel later  posts: 

_whatatangledweb was really serious about the no-hostility rule this year (something about insurance problems when firstdoginspace flipped that table last year? thanks so much for that), so when it looked like their fight was going to get worse they left the panel and took it upstairs, I guess to one of their rooms to shout it out. sorry, wizzies, i wasn't going to stalk them up there. a) not to sound speciesist or anything but cherub claws are more than a little discouraging to the average human, b) byanyothername irl looks like she can eviscerate you with her brain, and c) the next scheduled panel was the trivia challenge event, and there were an awful lot of shotglass chess sets being wheeled in. soz!_

byanyothername and crownandtablet don't show up for the after con party, and everyone assumes it's because they've finally learnt to be diplomatic and are staying in their own rooms. There's  a brief discussion about the weirdness of it, made all the briefer when the mod freezes the thread because someone suggests it's because crownandtablet has laid eggs in byanyothername's torso ("what did i tell you about being a butthole what is the deal here is this your calling in life or something are you getting paid by the butthole minute"). 

Without much more to go on, everything quietens down into a post-con haze. Both of them are still provoking each other, but it seems... different. Whatever truce they called, it seems to have worked. That, or they've taken it to friendslock. 

The big bangs were posted yesterday, and so we come to the end of the report on this whole weird affair. If you've ever wanted to read 124k of charmingly illustrated wizard/tentacle monster slash that defies space and time and pushes so far past purple prose that it's become ultraviolet, then this is the link for you, you weirdo. 

(Spoiler: it ends with the eldritch many-eyed beast from beyond time and space and Calmasis hatesnogging over the corpses of their enemies, hand-in-tentacle.) 

(Apparently they're already working on a sequel.) 


End file.
